My Dirty Little Secrets
OK so I went to Oprah.com just a little while ago to see about an upcoming show I am interested in watching. It's been years since I've been to her website so I spent fifteen minutes or so just poking around and reading things that interested me. I clicked on "Be On the Show" and a list of maybe 50 topics exploded all over the screen and when I started reading the headlines it made me...well... wonder how many of them I could honestly write in about so I could maybe qualify to "be on the show"!
Some of the topics were NOT for me!
Things like:
are you friends with your husband's
mistress?
---isn't that like a Maury Povich show topic?
I bet Connie Chung is asking herself that
question as I speak! :)
are you a weight loss success story?
--- yeah....NO! Maybe if it was a weight
GAIN show....Now THAT would be success!
I've gained eighty pounds since high school!
tell us about the world's best glazed
donuts!
--- now THAT should be a part of the weight
GAIN show, no? Come on, Oprah.....the world's
best glazed donuts????? I wonder if she's going
to give a box of Krispy Cremes to everyone in
the audience on that day? Lame.
But there WERE topics that piqued my interest!
Things like:
Do you have a mental illness?
---it depends on the time of the month and
whether or not I am being diligent about
taking my zoloft (suppose THAT would get
me on the show?)
Is an unusual addiction ruling your
life?
---does playing a hundred hours of Tetris
per week on my daughter's computer count
as an addiction?
Do you have story of betrayal?
--Hell ya! In the last few months, Maybelline
has discontinued my FAVORITE mascara...
assholes! I even tried emailing them
with an official whine.... nobody got back
to me...backstabbing bastards! (I should
call Jerry Springer and meet Maybelline
face to face!)
Do you have a problem throwing
things away?
---OK, I know Oprah will love this one. I
have a horrible problem with throwing
things away. If you leave the newspaper
laying around for more than two minutes,
it's a gonner. If you do not read the news
paper within 1/2 hour of it hitting the door
in the morning..... it's outta here. If there is
any question WHATSOEVER about the
contents of wierd, creepy looking substance
in the back of the refrigerator.....in the trash
it goes.... usually with bowl and all. I drive
my family nuts with my "throw away" issues!
OK... maybe I am not Oprah worthy after all. I didn't really want to be on her show anyway. I am more the Dr. Phil type. Just for fun I went to HIS web page to see what it would take to get me onto HIS show!
Let's see......
Switched at birth?
---Gawd I HOPE so, because then
I would finally understand why I am
the only normal person in my family!
Wish you could show the world
the real you?
---Um.... that would be a sad, sad
day indeed! Things have fallen
and they can't get up..... EVER!
Obsessed with amputation?
---OK that is just wierd, Dr. Phil.
And it makes me feel funny........
Are you a Cougar?
--What the hell?????
No wonder people think they
need a shrink. He is freaking nuts! :)
I bit the bullet and clicked on the cougar link to see if I fit the bill! I'm going with a resounding NO.... But you will have to go find out for yourself if you are a cougar or not! I guess we all have dirty little secrets! These were just some of MINE!
Some of the topics were NOT for me!
Things like:
are you friends with your husband's
mistress?
---isn't that like a Maury Povich show topic?
I bet Connie Chung is asking herself that
question as I speak! :)
are you a weight loss success story?
--- yeah....NO! Maybe if it was a weight
GAIN show....Now THAT would be success!
I've gained eighty pounds since high school!
tell us about the world's best glazed
donuts!
--- now THAT should be a part of the weight
GAIN show, no? Come on, Oprah.....the world's
best glazed donuts????? I wonder if she's going
to give a box of Krispy Cremes to everyone in
the audience on that day? Lame.
But there WERE topics that piqued my interest!
Things like:
Do you have a mental illness?
---it depends on the time of the month and
whether or not I am being diligent about
taking my zoloft (suppose THAT would get
me on the show?)
Is an unusual addiction ruling your
life?
---does playing a hundred hours of Tetris
per week on my daughter's computer count
as an addiction?
Do you have story of betrayal?
--Hell ya! In the last few months, Maybelline
has discontinued my FAVORITE mascara...
assholes! I even tried emailing them
with an official whine.... nobody got back
to me...backstabbing bastards! (I should
call Jerry Springer and meet Maybelline
face to face!)
Do you have a problem throwing
things away?
---OK, I know Oprah will love this one. I
have a horrible problem with throwing
things away. If you leave the newspaper
laying around for more than two minutes,
it's a gonner. If you do not read the news
paper within 1/2 hour of it hitting the door
in the morning..... it's outta here. If there is
any question WHATSOEVER about the
contents of wierd, creepy looking substance
in the back of the refrigerator.....in the trash
it goes.... usually with bowl and all. I drive
my family nuts with my "throw away" issues!
OK... maybe I am not Oprah worthy after all. I didn't really want to be on her show anyway. I am more the Dr. Phil type. Just for fun I went to HIS web page to see what it would take to get me onto HIS show!
Let's see......
Switched at birth?
---Gawd I HOPE so, because then
I would finally understand why I am
the only normal person in my family!
Wish you could show the world
the real you?
---Um.... that would be a sad, sad
day indeed! Things have fallen
and they can't get up..... EVER!
Obsessed with amputation?
---OK that is just wierd, Dr. Phil.
And it makes me feel funny........
Are you a Cougar?
--What the hell?????
No wonder people think they
need a shrink. He is freaking nuts! :)
I bit the bullet and clicked on the cougar link to see if I fit the bill! I'm going with a resounding NO.... But you will have to go find out for yourself if you are a cougar or not! I guess we all have dirty little secrets! These were just some of MINE!
posted by Peepshow at 5:07 PM
19 Comments:
OH MY WORD. You are sooo funny. I LOVED this post. I know you well and I am telling you some of those shows would be PERFECT for you. Just perfect darling. Remember when we use to talk about being on Dr Phil?? HEEHEHEHE. that was a long time ago. I would NEVER even fill out one of his surveys now, I think he's lost his mind. Along with Tom Cruise. Some Random Girl was going to be on Dr Phil for a marriage show. They were gonna put cameras in her house and everything and then her hubby backed out. Wierd, huh?
Although, I watched him today and there was a 700-pound-woman on. that was sad. OY.
I have long given up on those shows. They just make me sick and sad at the same time. Although, the donut one did intrique me.
LMAO!
I loved your dirty little secrets.
Thanks for making me smile this morning. ;)
sadly...the only show idea that interested me was the glazed donuts one..and now im hungry...funny post!
sadly....the only show idea that interested me was the glazed donuts one..and now im hungry...funny post!
i used to think i was switched at birth, because my personality is so different from my mom's. but, it wasn't too probable, since i totally look like my dad.
does this mean i don't qualify for the show? damn!
LOL! you are awesome!
sweet...
hey, they discontinued making Redken "So Long" shampoo and conditioner and I am hating it!
Yeah, 3+ feet of hair requires lots and lots of this stuff... you would think they could run a plant all for my use!
sweet...
hey, they discontinue making Redken "So Long" shampoo and conditioner and I am hating it!
Yeah, 3+ feet of hair requires lots and lots of this stuff... you would think they could run a plant all for my use!
I am on my way to see if I am a cougar... do I get money if I am a cougar? Damn, I don't know what that means but I think I might want to be one! I have no dirty little secrets, but I might be willing to make some up...
Thank you so much for your kind comment on my blog... I am going to spend some time lurking through your archives as soon as I get this cougar situation settled.
ok, i am not a cougar... YET!
lmao glazed donuts .. gotta love it
That is so funny! I'd love to go on Oprah! Was there one for being addicted to blogging? That would be the category for me!
Okay, my unusual addiction would have to be blogging! I am on here all the time and get nothing done around the house! My husband will tell you!
Loved that post!
Funny! I think the question about donuts is just so Opie can get a fix...
thanks for visiting me, I must continue reading your site, I likey....
diana, thank you for all your sweet responses. You most definitely can link me....that's thoughtful. TTL!
Loved this post...I think maybe I'll contact Oprah on the one about betrayal. Although, I'm sure I could fit into just about everyone of the ones you blogged about...LOL
your post had me rolling with all the punchlines.. hehe... lovely sense of humour.. keep up at it and you'll have a show of your own .. much better than the oprahs n the dr phils :)
Damn you. I am dying of curiosity about the cougar thing, but I don't want to be caught browsing Oprah's site. Bloody hell!
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