self-medication

self-medication

for some reason, I am feeling a lot of pressure in writing and posting my
first (EVER) blog
on one hand, everything I write will be floating around the world in a jillion little bytes at the mercy of anything or anyone who somehow manages to click on my musings
on the other hand, my blog-spot is my own private Eden; my personal space--- free for the taking
a sort of "self-medication" if you will

however, on the slim chance that anyone in cyberspace does, indeed, find me out there, I thought I'd better warn you of what you are about to encounter!
you are about to enter the Twilight Zone!
get out, get out I tell you!

kidding

I thought I would just let it all hang out; the good, the bad and the ugly so we can just cut to the chase and save ourselves that awkward "getting to know each other stage"

[a long time ago my mother told me, "never put down in writing what you wouldn't want the rest of the world to know."
ironically, most (if not ALL) of what I say and do here in my "space" is stuff I'll never share
her but I feel most comfortable sharing it with the world!]

let's start with the simple stuff:

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY
a clean house
new towels
having the remote to myself
watching CNN in the morning with a steamy cup of coffee
when my Tylenol PM kicks in
my husband
my daughter
my son

THINGS THAT SCARE ME
spiders
pimples
small, hot rooms
large, hot rooms
mushrooms (like as in mushrooms on a pizza)
bears and/or mountain lions
hiking (because of the slightest chance of encountering previously mentioned carnivores)
flat tires
copy machines

THINGS THAT DRIVE ME NUTS
drop-in company
people who snap their gum
people who chew food with their mouth open
people who don't use their turning lanes or blinkers
people who talk on their cell phones in a restaurant
listening to people crunch their popcorn in a movie theater
people who fidget and tap
people who shuffle their feet
people who click their pens
people who tail-gate

if you haven't figured it out yet, I am very type-A
but you haven't heard the best stuff

I have serious Obsessive Compulsive issues but I will save that for later
I have horrible insomnia and as a consequence am addicted to anything that will put me to sleep
I drink way too much coffee to counter-act the insomnia
one of my hobbies is sitting on the counter in the bathroom, popping pimples and squeezing blackheads even if neither exsists
I have major food issues
and because I have food issues I have a private love affair with my bathroom scale (I have weighed myself at least ten times today)
I am addictied to Purell hand sanitizer
on the surface, I am very friendly and kindhearted but I definitely have a very dark, dark side
I am prone to major depression and anxiety but I take enough Zoloft every morning to help me fumble through my days
my children, my two sisters, my mom and dad, all of my relatives and most of my friends think I am just happy happy happy all the time; they are all unaware of my propensity towards serious and utter insanity

I am a great pretender
all I do is flash my smile and people think all is well in my little world
works like a charm everytime

all in all, I am a very sincere and giving person
I am a good wife and mother and a great daughter, sister, grand-daughter, etc.
I am also very romantic and I love to read and write poetry for fun (although a lot of my work tends to be an outlet for me so it comes across as sad and dark)
but, underneath the romantic, there is a very RAW and uncensored part of me that screams to be let out every now and again and I think that I have finally found a place that I can nurture that!

so....there you have it
in a very wierd but stangely organized nutshell, that is me
I am neurotic, obsessive, up & down, light and dark all at the same time!

welcome, friend, to my blog, my private Eden; my personal space--free for the taking.
my self-medication!